


Nightmares And Other Things

by justthehopeleft



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justthehopeleft/pseuds/justthehopeleft
Summary: Ten Days of Shipping: Jamilmads + NightmareThe prompt was from Tumblr, but I’m posting it here.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	Nightmares And Other Things

“You _disgust_ me.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Look at you, standing there all by yourself. Pathetic.” Alexander laughs, cold and cruel, harsh and unforgiving. 

_That’s not the laugh I fell in love with._

“What are you talking about?” Thomas asks, nervously biting his lip. “James-“

“Worthless,” James agrees, walking over towards Alexander’s side, taking his hand. “Unlovable. Disgusting.”

Thomas takes a step back. “I- I don’t know what you two are talking about-“

He pauses. “You two love me, don’t you?”

_Don’t they? Didn’t they say that so many times?_

“Do we?” Alexander asks, turning to James with a sly smile resting on his lips.

“Hmm, no, Lexi, I don’t think we do,” James grins, his smooth voice betraying the sharpness of his words. “Who could ever love _Jefferson_?”

“But-“

James’s words _hurt_ , more than Thomas ever wants to admit.

“I thought you two- you two loved me,” he whispers, his voice catching.

“Nobody could love you,” James spits.

“And nobody ever has,” Alexander finishes, smirking in triumph.

_That’s not true. It can’t be true._

Thomas keeps backing away, retreating from the merciless onslaught approaching him.

“And it- it took you- took you seven years to tell me that you- you never cared?” Thomas hiccups, burning tears beginning to spill down his cheeks.

“Really,” Alexander raises an eyebrow, “seven years? It felt more like a lifetime of lies.”

James wraps an arm around Alexander’s shoulders. “I can’t believe you actually _fell_ for that.”

Thomas hits the wall, trapped against James and Alexander’s steady approach.

“Seriously, look at you, trembling, terrified. Pathetic, weak, and _worthless_.” 

Alexander steps forward, clenching his hand into a fist, pulling his arm back, preparing to hit.

Thomas winces.

James smiles.

“Goodbye, Jefferson.”

Alexander lets his fist fly.

And then Thomas wakes up.

——————————————

And then Thomas wakes up.

Alexander sits up, puzzled. “Tommy, baby, something wrong?”

James turns on the lamp closest to him, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Tom, is something-“

Thomas scrambles off the bed, dragging half the comforter with him.

“Tom, are you okay?” James asks, shaking his head and sitting up, pushing his pillow aside.

“Get- get away from me!” Thomas screeches, crawling backwards, tears pouring down his cheeks.

“Baby, not to be rude, but what the fuck?” Alex demands.

“Don’t lie to- to me!” Thomas yells, his face twisting with rage. “You said it- you said it yourself!”

“Said what?” James murmurs, hopping out on his side and walking around the bed.

Alexander cocks his head a little. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“DON’T CALL ME BABY!” Thomas screams, pulling the comforter to his chest and sobbing into it.

“Fine! _Thomas_ , why the _fuck_ are you _crying_ on the _floor_?” 

“You should know! You’ve been lying to me for seven- seven fucking years!” Thomas shrieks, completely giving up on trying to hide behind the comforter. “You called me pathetic! Worthless!”

James crouches down by Thomas- or, at least, he tries to.

Thomas screams and pushes him away, leaping to his feet and barreling towards the door.

“Tommy-“ Alexander gasps, reaching out. “Don’t leave- THOMAS!”

James blinks, stunned, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Thomas?” Alexander chokes.

_Thomas?_

—————

Thomas realizes as soon as he’s out of the bedroom that this was definitely not a good idea.

The air conditioner in their apartment is broken; it’s been broken since before James and Thomas moved in. And therefore, the air is really fucking _cold_.

The Christmas tree flickers from the corner of the room, lights and ornaments sparkle happily.

Thomas ignores them and flees to the hallway.

_That’s the wall they trapped me by._

The thought is fleeting, and yet it stops Thomas in his tracks.

_I should get a coat_ , he decides. _And some shoes._

The apartment door creaks, as usual, and Thomas is glad, because at least he’s out. Free. 

Behind him, he can hear the bedroom door opening and Alex rushing out, so he takes a left and races down the stairs, fighting to get out of the complex before Alexander catches up.

Alexander?

No.

_Hamilton._

Thomas pushes the complex door open and skids out into the freezing winter air.

_Relationship troubles?_ a shining billboard reads. _Try some Coca-Cola!_

“No Coca-Cola could ever fix _this_ ,” Thomas mutters aloud, hurrying down the street.

A freezing breeze trails through the air, winding around Thomas.

Metals conduct heat- and cold- the best, so naturally, it’s the little metal pieces that get cold first. The zipper on Thomas’s jacket, the rims of the glasses he’d barely remembered to grab, and the wedding ring on his finger all begin to freeze.

_Well, out of the three of those,_ Thomas figures, _I only really need two._

And yet, somehow, taking off the ring and shoving it in his pocket doesn’t feel right.

“No,” he whispers, “Madison and Hamilton hurt you, Thomas. You should be getting as far away from them as possible.”

It kind of hurts, using their old surnames, something Thomas never thought he’d do.

And then he looks up, and knows exactly where he’s going.

_Walmart._

_Walmart is as far away as possible, right?_

_And it’s warm!_

Shakily, Thomas hurries across the street towards the Walmart, avoiding the occasional car.

This would have to be enough for now.

——————————————————

“Listen, Alex, you are not leaving me here by myself!” James yells, pacing back and forth in front of the Christmas tree.

“Well, I’m going after Thomas, so that means you have to stay here with Philip,” Alex protests, closing the door as he comes back in.

“Philip,” James sighs, “is five. And a dog. He can take care of himself.”

“Then stay here and make sure nobody breaks in!” Alex yells, throwing his hands in the air.

“That’s stupid!” 

“Fine!” Alex screams. “Maybe I just don’t want to lose you!”

“What?” James asks, softening.

“Thomas just fucking went and ran out, mon cher,” Alex explains, flopping on the couch. “And- I don’t want to lose you too.”

“Alex, babe-“ James blinks “-I won’t get lost. I promise.”

“Thomas promised not to leave! He fucking married us, Jemmy! That’s about as much of a promise as you can get.”

James blinks again, forcing back tears. “I know, babe, I know. And I don’t know why he left, but I promise I won’t. I won’t leave, I won’t get lost.”

“Promise?” Alex begs, tracing the sapphire and amethyst on his ring. “Promise-promise?”

“Yes, Alexander,” James murmurs, pressing a kiss to Alexander’s forehead. “Promise-promise.”

The two of them sit like that, far too early in the morning to be awake, Alex slumped on the couch and James leaning over the back.

“Okay,” Alex sighs at last, stretching a little and standing up. “I’ll go search for Thomas, you can call me whenever. Okay?”

“Alright,” James agrees, even though it feels like it’s ripping his heart in twain. “I’ll stay here, you go look for him. Bring him home in one piece.”

“I’ll try,” Alex chuckles feebly. “I’ll try.”

With that final sentence, he grabs his coat and walks out the door, closing it gently behind him.

And for time in seven years, James feels truly alone.

————————

Alexander shivers in the chill air.

2:47 AM, his watch says.

Thomas had left thirty minutes ago.

“Why? Why did he go?” Alex mutters under his breath, rubbing his hands together furiously.

_Maybe he had a panic attack._

Those were fairly common, and unfortunately quite the usual sight in their apartment.

But a panic attack in his sleep?

Alex didn’t think that was the case.

A nightmare? No, Tommy had never complained of nightmares. At least, he hadn’t told Alex about any nightmares.

Besides, what nightmare could possibly be reason to leave so frantically?

Alex sighs.

It must be some mysterious reason.

Snowflakes land gently on the cuffs of his coat, and he shivers again, trying to regain some of his body heat.

And then he sees them.

Footsteps in the snow.

Leading to the 24/7 Walmart.

_Of course._

“Alex, you goddamn idiot, of course he wouldn’t stay out in the snow,” Alex chastises himself. “Now go bring him home, for Jemmy.”

_For Jemmy_. 

——————

Thomas is grateful that the Walmart is big, because the second he sees the distinctive green coat, he knows Hamilton’s come to search for him.

_Hamilton_.

Not Madison-Jefferson, the name he’d taken when they got married.

And it was becoming Madison, not Jefferson-Hamilton.

Thomas almost laughs as he ducks into the pasta isle. He and his husbands had chosen such an absurd way to combine their names.

Come on, they’d chosenMadison-Jefferson, Hamilton-Jefferson, and Madison-Hamilton, respectively. A legal mess, and paperwork was insane, but worth it, for Thomas to be able to call himself by his husbands’s names.

“I don’t suppose I’ll be using those surnames anytime soon. Not after what Hamilton and Madison said,” Thomas muttered, frantically hiding behind a display of school supplies as Hamilton passes by with an employee. “And then acting like they had no idea what they’d done.”

_Hamilton tried to fucking punch me, for god’s sake!_

As Hamilton walks away, chattering to the employee, there’s a split second where he glances back, and Thomas swears he can see the glint of tears in his eyes.

Maybe this was wrong, maybe he should’ve talked it out with Madison and Hamilton.

Thomas shoves his hands into his pockets and pretends to be browsing the shelves, when something falls out of his pocket, skittering across the floor, sparkling in the cold fluorescent light.

_The ring._

Hoping, praying that Hamilton won’t turn around, Thomas lunges forward, reaching for the shine of sapphires and emeralds.

And then it’s in his grasp, tightly pinched between his fingers, and Hamilton is getting further away, and Thomas breathes a sigh of relief.

He’s safe.

For now.

Thomas pushes the ring back deep into his pocket, and sets off in the opposite direction as Hamilton.

But even as Thomas walks away, the sight of Hamilton’s eyes glistening with tears haunts him.

Perhaps he should’ve stayed.

——————————————

James checks the clock.

8:34.

Six hours, and neither Alex or Tom had come home.

Philip tugged on a toy, swinging it around and hitting James in the leg.

“Pip, don’t do that.”

Obediently, Philip dropped the toy.

“Good boy,” James sighed, scratching the top of the dog’s head. “Good boy, Pip.”

Faint strains of Christmas carols drafted in from outside.

_Probably an early batch of carolers._

James made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of tea.

“Just stay here, James, and wait for Alex. Everything will be fine, everything’s going to be alright.”

The words reek of lies, and James sighs again. 

_Maybe I should call Alex_.

The thought hangs in his mind, shining far too brightly.

“Maybe I should.”

Before he can change his mind, James pulls out his phone and dials Alex’s number.

It rings once.

Twice.

Three times.

And Alex picks up.

“Jemmy?” 

His voice is cracking, exhausted, depressed, and it makes James want to wrap his arms around his husband and shield him from all the terrors of the world that made it sound that way.

“Alex, oh god it’s good to hear your voice,” James laughs nervously, pulling out a chair. “Any news?”

“None,” Alexander sobs, somebody yelling in the background. “I can’t find him, Jemmy. The employees say they remember him coming into Walmart, and they don’t think he’s left yet, but I can’t- I can’t find him anywhere, and they won’t let me see the security cameras.”

James sighs. “And you haven’t seen him at all?”

“No! Well...”

“Well, what?”

“I- I caught a glimpse of somebody in a similar coat, but when I looked back, they were gone.”

“Well, at least we have a start,” James promises, trying to make his voice as soothing as possible. “We’ll find him soon.”

“Okay, I’ll- I’ll keep loooking,” Alexander agrees, “see you later, Jemmy.”

“Bye, Ale-“

The call ends.

James hangs his head, wiping away a stray tear.

Philip barks at a pigeon outside the window.

“Fuck it.”

James stands up, putting down his tea.

“I did not marry the two biggest idiots I know just for both of them to desert me on Christmas fucking Eve.”

Philip barks again.

“I know I’m small and not too popular,” James continues, talking to the air, “but that isn’t going to stop me from finding my fucking husbands.”

A pigeon shits on the windowsill.

Philip barks at it, wagging his tail in warning.

“Stay here, Pip,” James directs. “I’m going to bring home the men I love.”

Philip, of course, only recognizes his name and ‘stay’, but that doesn’t stop him from giving James an affectionate lick as he grabs his coat and boots.

“Good boy.”

_And now_ , James decides, _here I go._

_I’ll bring them home._

——————————

Alexander hates to admit it, but he is utterly and totally defeated.

Thomas is nowhere in sight, the employees won’t let him check the security cameras, and Alex just fucking _knows_ that Thomas has got to be in here somewhere.

And he’s been crying for about three hours straight.

It’s embarrassing, sitting on a bench outside of Walmart at eight thirty in the morning, and sobbing.

But as much as Alex tries, he can’t really stop.

It’s just _hopeless_.

Thomas might be gone forever.

He might have left the Walmart without any employees seeing him.

He might have gone to some other giant fucking store.

Fuck, he might’ve been beaten in an alleyway, and Alex couldn’t do anything to help.

The thought- Thomas lying in the fresh snow, bleeding out onto the ground, with nobody around to help- drives Alex absolutely insane.

He should be there, helping to pull Thomas to his feet, helping him stand, bringing him home.

And instead, here he is, a _failure_.

Somebody brushes a few strands of hair away from his face.

“Wha- JEMMY!” Alex yells, jumping onto his husband. 

James spins around slowly, holding Alex tightly. “It’s okay, Alex, I’m here now.”

“But Thomas isn’t.”

James winces, setting Alexander back on the ground and wiping the tears from his face. “No, no, he’s not. But we’re going to find him.”

“What if he got kidnapped?” Alex worries. “Or mugged? Or shot?”

“Alex, babe,” James hesitates, “be positive. We’re going to find him, okay?”

“Will we, though?”

—————————

Thomas can hear them through the glass.

He pulls his hood up higher and fixes the sunglasses he’d bought.

It was better that they didn’t recognize him.

They were right there, less than three feet away from Thomas.

And Alexander sounded so upset, so worried. He was in tears, sobbing into James’s shoulder, all because of Thomas.

_They deserve it._

_Don’t they?_

Thomas considers exactly what happened.

James and Alexander had just started insulting him out of nowhere, and then, when he’d woken up-

Wait.

Hold on.

Woken up?

A dream, a nightmare, that was all?

Thomas feels like an absolute _idiot_.

He left both his husbands confused and in pain, just because of a fucking nightmare?

Outside, Alexander is sobbing, and Thomas can’t bring himself to glance over, to see his darling James comforting their husband.

Should he just go and talk to them?

Maybe.

But probably not.

Alexander howls, and it’s almost like a physical blow to Thomas’s heart.

He should be by Alexander’s side, comforting help, wrapping his arms around him, holding him and keeping him safe.

Thomas takes a risk, and turns ever so slightly, just enough to be able to glance over his shoulder for a glimpse of his husbands.

_James_.

Thomas didn’t honestly know what he’d expected, but for some reason, it certainly wasn’t seeing James in tears, barely holding everything together, gently rocking Alexander as passers-by stare at them.

And James looks up.

It’s a fraction of a second before Thomas whips back around, but he has a feeling that it was more than enough.

He tries his best to tune out the frantic conversation between his husbands, but it’s nigh impossible.

And then they’re running through the door, and James collapses at Thomas’s feet, Alexander close behind.

“Thomas?” James croaks at last, barely looking up.

“Hi.”

Thomas reaches out his hand to help pick James up off the floor, but Alexander slaps away his hand.

“Thomas Madison-Hamilton, what the actual fuck were you thinking?” he demands, trying his best to blink away the tears spilling down his cheeks.

James sits up and folds his arms angrily. “Why did you run out on us like that? We’ve been looking for you for six hours!”

Thomas winces. “I’m sorry-“

“Okay,” Alexander interrupts. “We are going home and talking this all out.”

“But-“

“No buts,” James rules.

“Hey, I thought mine was pretty cute,” Thomas jokes half-heartedly.

“It won’t be when I’m done with you,” Alexander snaps. “Come on, people are staring.”

“Holy fuck,” James gasps. “Alex!”

———————————————

Alexander slams the door shut and pushes Thomas onto the couch. “We,” he gestures around, “have things to discuss.”

James nods, taking a seat next to Thomas.

“First off,” Alex screeches, “what the FUCK?”

“Why did you leave?” James asks softly, taking one of Thomas’s hands in his own and tracing a soft pattern across the back.

“I- I-,” Thomas chokes, “-I had a- a nightmare, or something, and-“

“YOU LEFT US FOR A FUCKING NIGHTMARE?”

“Alexander!” James reprimands. “You get nowhere by yelling. Now, continue, Thomas.”

“That the two of you were calling me worthless, and pathetic, and unlovable, and saying that nobody- nobody cared about me- and, and then- then Alex punched me-“

Alexander’s jaw drops.

“And then I woke up, and everything was so confusing, and I just had to get away, and neither of you were helping, and-“

James pulls Thomas to his chest, embracing him tightly. “Shh, it’s okay, baby, we’re here now.”

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Thomas cries, burying his face in James’s chest.

Alexander sits down on Thomas’s other side, joining the hug. “Shush, it’s not your fault you got confused. I would have run out too.”

James presses his lips to Thomas’s forehead, gently caressing his back. “It’s alright, we’ve got you now. Everything is okay, you’re safe here.”

Philip barks.

“Merry Christmas, by the way,” Alex laughs. “Or merry Christmas Eve, if you’re being all technical.”

“Trust me, Tom,” James promises, “I could never wish for a better Christmas present than having you back here and safe.”

“It’s okay,” Alex reassures, resting his head on Thomas’s shoulder. “You’re with us, that’s all we care about.”

Thomas smiles, a true, joyous smile.

“Now,” Alex grins. “As I was saying about your ass-“

“Alex!”


End file.
